As this year’s other blockbuster action flick to be based on a line of toys and an ’80s afternoon cartoon, The Rise of Cobra turns out to be a disappointingly lackluster affair despite possessing better direction, plotting and editing than you might expect.

It sees good-guy soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) joining up with the titular American military outfit to help thwart one James McCullen (Dr. Who’s Christopher Eccleston) from putting newly created nanotechnology to nefarious use.

Though not quite the demolition derby that was the Transformers sequel, the film still works best when things explode, and director/CGI expert Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) shoots and cuts it all efficiently and with refreshing restraint. We actually get to see who’s fighting whom and what’s being destroyed.

The most marvelous mayhem occurs when Tatum and Wayans race around Paris in high-tech, Iron Man-like suits as the Joes attempt to stop bad guys The Baroness (a sexy Sienna Miller) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) from toppling the Eiffel Tower. Cars flip end-over-end, buildings blow up and a bad-guy Humvee gets hit by a train, flies through the air and smashes to the ground.

It helps, too, that the main mythology is re-imagined in a way that actually seems sort of compelling and, what’s more, provides the movie with a glimmer of actual depth. This includes creating a past relationship between Duke and The Baroness, a present one between Ripcord and Scarlett (a cute Rachel Nichols) and a rivalry between Lee and sword-wielding good guy Snake Eyes (Ray Park).

I liked the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow dynamic the most, even though Park literally never shows his face, and the very personal reason the two hate each other gives their confrontations some weight. Their swordfight showdown near a reactor during the film’s CGI-filled finale reminded me of the cool light saber duel at the end of The Phantom Menace, partly because Park played Darth Maul.

Dennis Quaid hams it up nicely as General Hawk, Arnold Vosloo is cool under pressure as bad guy henchman Zartan (who figures into a sequel-ready subplot involving Jonathan Pryce’s U.S. President), and indie film vet Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Lookout) makes a rare visit to the big leagues in a role reminiscent of a plot point in The Prestige.

I, for one, appreciated the cameo by Brendan Fraser as a fellow Joe, as both he and Vosloo appeared in Sommers’ Mummy movies. I also enjoyed the way Miller compliments a fleeing woman on her shoes during the Paris pandemonium, and liked that the Joe’s headquarters are in the desert while the bad-guy equivalent is at the North Pole. And, the full name of Tatum’s character is Duke Hazard.

Ultimately, any actual fun to be had here is hampered both by Tatum’s charmless nature and a surprisingly generic score by Forrest Gump composer Alan Silvestri. For sure the film is a better fit for Tatum than was Fighting earlier this year, but, once again, the only muscles he actually stretches are his biceps. – [DVD]

Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi/Thriller

Rated PG-13

DVD Release Date: 11/3/09

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