Like in the first film, an ensemble cast of slumming stars earns paychecks acting out various contrived scenarios in and around New York City (the center of the universe in rom coms), all leading up this time to the dropping of the Times Square ball on New Year’s Eve.

Of the eight storylines concocted by Valentine’s Day screenwriter Katherine Fugate, I couldn’t have cared less about six, including Hilary Swank being in charge of the ball, Katherine Heigl feuding with ex Jon Bon Jovi, Ashton Kutcher and Glee star Lea Michele getting trapped in an elevator and Josh Duhamel rushing to get back to the city for an important romantic appointment.

Swank, simply put, does not belong in a comedy, and, what’s more, proved incredibly ineffective in making me not want to throw up during the excruciatingly “inspirational” televised speech her character gives at one point. Bon Jovi sings better than he acts, Michele sings more than she actually talks and Duhamel’s vignette is a blatant rip off of An Affair to Remember.

The segment I cared for least involved Sarah Jessica Parker refusing to let teen daughter Abigail Breslin go to the ball drop with cute boy Jake T. Austin. Rom-com vet Parker is fine, actually, but Breslin’s rebellious and disrespectful behavior towards her, at least as written, was barely tolerable. Granted, I’m not a parent, but I still wouldn’t let a kid act the way Breslin does.

In the why-is-he-in-this-thing category is Robert De Niro, who plays a dying man just wanting to live long enough to see the ball drop one last time. (Halle Berry is his improbably pretty nurse, Cary Elwes his doctor.) Whatever respect I had left for the man after all the junk he’s made over the last decade is nearly gone. Is he really this hard up for cash?

The better segments include Seth Meyers and Jessica Biel (a funny pair, those two) as a couple competing with Til Schweiger (?!) and Sarah Paulson for first-New-Year’s-baby prize money, which has a nicely touching resolution, and Zac Efron as an energetic, bro-calling bike messenger helping timid Michelle Pfeiffer fulfill her list of ambitious New Year’s resolutions in creative ways.

Every now and then a true laugh pops up—air bags, Marshall flick regulars Hector Elizondo and Larry Miller—but otherwise this is basically just sap in movie form. Even how the characters are connected isn’t quite as interesting as it is in the first film. If you really want to be entertained, skip to the end credits and watch the gag reel. – [DVD] [Blu-Ray]

Comedy/Romance

Rated PG-13

DVD Release Date: 5/1/12

I stopped reading… did you stop reading?

Poetry on the page we may equate with a case of rickets, but in a date night movie gives us passion, a life in letters and lace bodices.

Shakespeare in Love, we thank you.

In Young Goethe in Love, enamored of poetry and having failed his law doctorate, Johann Goethe (Alexander Fehling) is sent by his father to the town of Wetzlar, Germany to clerk in the local prosecutor’s office. He proves competent at this dreary work, finds a friend in fellow drone Wilhelm (Volker Bruch), wonders what life holds for him, then meets Charlotte Buff (Miriam Stein) at a dance. Wine is spilled, quips are exchanged and ardor commences. Her mother has died and Charlotte, affectionately called Lotte by her family, runs her father’s house, though they have little money and may lose their property. An arranged marriage with none other than Goethe’s superior Kestner (Moritz Bleibtreu) will provide for her family, but she wants Johann who can offer her only his words.

It’s all pleasant and diverting with Fehling boyish enough and Stein playing earthy and warm, but the film never fans any real swooning, romantic flames as it gently traipses through its yearning motions. Some rejection letters, bare skin among the ferns and the Sturm und Drang movement is born.

An accomplished artist, poet, biologist and theoretical physicist, Goethe is a household name in Germany and, perhaps like the recent French film Gainsbourg, we’re not as invested in other countries’ icons, so we’d like a little re-preaching for the unconverted. It’d be expecting too much of director Philipp Stölzl, who made the fine North Face (2008), to pull off something as refreshing as Amadeus (1984), but a touch of Bright Star’s (2009) grace and subtlety could have gone a long way.

Yet, Goethe was young once, we were all young once, so this film is fine for a stolen kiss in the rain, but let a cooler head prevail and don’t put pen to paper afterward. – [DVD]

Drama/Romance

Not Rated

DVD Release Date: 4/24/12

Like Crazy

Anton Yelchin has appeared in a ton of movies and television shows, but I know him best for playing the title role in Charlie Bartlett (a stellar teen movie about a kid who becomes a self-appointed psychiatrist to the students in his high school). Anyway, he was really good in that film, and he’s really good in Like Crazy. His partner, Felicity Jones, gives us an Anna that is finely detailed and nuanced. Jones is British, and has acted in a bunch of British stuff, movies and TV.

Oh yeah, you also get a strong supporting role by Jennifer Lawrence, who I haven’t really seen since her breakout role in Winter’s Bone. So kudos to the director, Drake Doremus, for drawing out the best in these actors. I looked up Doremus’s filmography, and was not impressed with the titles of some of his earlier directorial efforts like Douchebag and Spooners. But here, he’s done a great job. All the emotions of young love are realistically portrayed and easily felt by the viewer. I recommend the film highly. – [DVD]

Drama/Romance

Rated PG-13

DVD Release Date: 3/6/12

The setting is Paris, and the cinematography is a beautiful complement to the storyline. And speaking of the storyline…

Owen Wilson plays Gil, a successful Hollywood screenwriter who wants to be a “real” writer, and feels unsure about his talent. He is in Paris with his fiancée, Inez, (Rachel McAdams, both beautiful and comedic) and Inez’s politically conservative parents. Gil romanticizes the idea of actually living in Paris. He also romanticizes the past and shares with all of us the feeling that the present, by its very nature, is a little dissatisfying. In this story, Gil is given the opportunity to do some “time travel” and come to terms with that yearning to find a “Golden Age” that is always in the past, and that holds some magnetic appeal.

During the course of this “time travel”, we get to meet Salvador Dali (we haven’t seen you this good since The Pianist, Adrien Brody), Ernest Hemingway (madly in love with Corey Stoll in this role), F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, Cole Porter, Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates nails it), Pablo Picasso, Toulouse-Lautrec, T.S. Eliot, Luis Buñuel, and on and on. The supporting cast, A to Z, are all great.

Tom Hanks

He genuinely seems to like it.

Maybe it’s because he was born there. Maybe it’s because the town of Los Angeles has treated him relatively well (two Oscars in a row can’t hurt). Maybe he is just an innately upbeat guy–whatever the reason, the projects that he has creative control over seem to regard showbusiness and the environs of Hollywood with a refreshingly optimistic eye. This was fairly apparent with his fun directorial debut, That Thing You Do!, which, while not ignorant of the pitfalls of fame and fortune, ultimately ends on a hopeful if humble note.

Larry Crowne is only Hanks’ second film as a director, co-written by himself and Nia “Greek Wedding” Vardalos. It’s certainly among the more likable and cheery of the recent crop of Recession Fairytales (see also: The Company Men, Up In The Air, etc.). Whatever its flaws as a film (and they are often far from subtle), it is a buoyant enough slice of 21st Century Americana, and easy to watch.

The eponymous Mr. Crowne is an affably divorced middle manager at a Walmart lookalike, who, improbably, is laid off because he deserves a promotion but can’t get it without a college degree. He decides to attend the local community college to remedy this, and there meets Mrs. Tainot (Julia Roberts), a cynical public speaking teacher and inevitable love interest. He also meets Talia (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), an aggressively–but surprisingly appealingly–perky fellow student who recruits him into her Vespa gang and helps him stylize and simplify his life.

The chemistry between Hanks and Roberts is not exactly electric, but both actors remain charismatic enough to carry things forward well enough. Scenes are often stolen by Mbatha-Raw and by George Takei, who has a lot of fun as an imperious and punctilious economics professor. There are strange, unnecessary scenes, neutered jokes (witness the PG-rated pornography secreted by Roberts’ husband, a role wasted on Bryan Cranston), and exaggerated caricatures. But I couldn’t help really liking Larry Crowne. It kind of reads as a fun recipe for enjoying a lower-income life and actually feeling better off for it. There are worse things for us to hear these days, methinks. - [DVD] [Blu-Ray]

Comedy/Drama/Romance

Rated PG-13

DVD Release Date: 11/15/11

If neither of these is a problem, why haven’t you seen Bellflower yet?

It’s the story of two friends, Woodrow (Evan Glodell, who also directed) and Aiden (Tyler Dawson), who apparently don’t work, drink a lot, and build flamethrowers in their spare time. One night at the bar, Woodrow meets Milly (Jessie Wiseman) and it’s kismet. Ah, young love.

This is the point where linearity and reality start being a little less trustworthy, and this is where a lot of people might turn the film off.

Just before it gets awesome.

It’s also where we see the film is less about romantic love and more about masculinity in the twenty-first century. It’s like a reboot of Fight Club, but instead of hitting one another, they build amazing cars and flamethrowers and hit other people. All for a meager budget of around $17,000.

Originally conceived of in 2003, they didn’t really get moving until 2008. Shot over the course of 3 years on handmade cameras, Bellflower is the definition of an independent movie. They made the car, they made the cameras, wrote, shot, edited and produced the whole thing themselves. It’s like watching El Mariachi for the first time, the amazement of what people, motivated people, can get done.

The sheer amount of swagger in Bellflower is mindblowing. – [DVD] [Blu-Ray]

Action/Drama/Romance

Rated R

As the story opens, Oliver is packing up Hal’s house and adopting Hal’s dog, Arthur. Cosmo stars as Arthur, and this film is so good that even the dog is outstanding. So anyway, a short time into the film, Oliver attends a Halloween party, and he meets Anna, a French actress. Mélanie Laurent is so very good in this role. She looks like a young Catherine Deneuve. Actually, her face changes with every camera angle. Oliver and Anna hit it off, and the remainder of the movie is the telling of their story and the telling of Hal’s story in flashback.

I have to mention the supporting cast. Not a single dud in the group. Goran Visnjik embues Hal’s much younger boyfriend, Andy, with playful energy. Oliver’s mom is played by Mary Page Keller, and she fleshes out the back story beautifully. Kai Lennox is Oliver’s graffiti artist/poser friend Elliot, who provides some of the many quirky moments of the movie. If this were my Oscar acceptance speech for the film, I’d probably say that I know I’m leaving many people out, but you get the idea: Beginners is not to be missed by anyone who loves indie films, appreciates performances where you couldn’t ask for more, or wants to view the blending of dark humor with serious themes and a lot of heart. – [DVD]

Comedy/Drama/Romance

Rated R

Yearning, aching, thirsting, wanting, needing a new romantic comedy.

Well, rejoice my brothers and sisters, here it is. Crazy Stupid Love stars Steve Carell as Cal Weaver, a middle aged married man who has just had divorce thrust on him by his wife, Emily (Julianne Moore). He’s not very happy about it. He starts patronizing a trendy bar telling anyone who will listen, and some who try not to, about his woes.

This is how he meets Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling), gadabout and general dreamboat. Jacob takes Cal under his wing, teaching him the ways of the Lothario. And as Cal gets better at picking up women, the twisted web of love becomes more complicated. Because as much as he’s trying to move on, Cal still loves his wife, who probably still loves him, but there’s this Kevin Bacon guy at the office… Did I mention that Cal’s son loves the babysitter who really loves Cal? Also, Gosling might love Emma Stone who is a lawyer he tried to pick up, but failed.

It’s like the intro to an episode of “Soap”, but in a good way.

The chemistry between Carell and Gosling really works. The evolution of their relationship might be the most heartwarming in the film. Moore, Stone, and a brief appearance from Marisa Tomei are all really solid.

Surprisingly, the emotional heart of the film is Cal’s son, and I wish I were making this up: Jonah Bobo. Always the true believer that love will conquer all, he keeps the other characters on track.

Crazy Stupid Love is a well acted, well written piece of slightly fluffy cinema. There’s no war, no death, just people and their problems, some of which I think most people can relate to. Most of all, it is a genuine pleasure to watch, and how often can you say that anymore? - [DVD] [Blu-Ray]

Comedy/Drama/Romance

Rated PG-13

DVD Release Date: 11/1/11

Robert Pattinson

Based on the novel by Sara Gruen, it has Pattinson playing a young Polish-American in 1931 who, in the aftermath of a tragic event, abandons becoming a veterinarian, hops aboard a train and inadvertently becomes part of a traveling circus, run by the volatile Waltz, and subsequently smitten with Waltz’s blonde-bombshell of a wife (Witherspoon).

For me, the film is most enjoyable when it focuses on the circus itself and what circus life is like. This mostly occurs in the first half, when we watch the roustabouts set up the big top, see the shady tricks employed to get people to buy tickets and get our initial, wondrous glimpse of the circus in action, with people spinning on ropes, playing with lions and riding horses. We also learn about the dark side of the business, including the cruel idea of “redlighting” and how circus animals were treated.

It’s whenever attention shifts to the illicit romance that the film suffers, mainly because Pattinson and Witherspoon have zero chemistry, and so no matter how many times director Francis Lawrence shows them slow dancing, I never bought that they were in love. It doesn’t help that Lawrence’s direction is so flat, or that Pattinson’s performance is so low-key. As the old version of Pattinson’s character, Hal Holbrook is far better, beautifully conveying a combination of crankiness and wistfulness.

Witherspoon mostly gets to look glamorous, sporting platinum-blonde hair and revealing costumes, and shoot a lot of worried looks at Pattinson, but is nonetheless a livelier presence. And yet neither she, nor anyone else here, is a match for Waltz. Utterly charming one minute, pure rage the next–hurting humans and animals alike–but always forceful, he’s never less than fascinating.

They all get stiff competition from Tai the elephant, who plays Rosie the elephant. She steals your heart the second you see her, spraying an elephant handler with water, and then, later, in how she manages to sip some lemonade. She even gets a big dramatic moment, saving a character’s life during the animals-run-amuck finale. Unfortunately, despite Tai’s endearing antics and Waltz’s tour-de-force, even an elephant wouldn’t remember this film for very long after seeing it. – [DVD] [Blu-Ray]

Charlotte

For those out there who haven’t read the book–which I heartily and needlessly recommend–the story follows Jane (Mia Wasikowska) from her childhood home (likely an inspiration for Privet Drive in J.K. Rowling‘s Harry Potter series) to her years in school and finally to her employment as a governess for the wealthy and enigmatic Mr. Rochester (Michael Fassbender). Fukunaga relates the bulk of the story through flashback after Ms. Eyre finds herself, alone and desperate, on the doorstep of St. John Rivers (Jamie Bell) and his sisters. Those of you whom Jane knows only as “Reader” may agree that this is a clever device, others among you may not.

This is certainly a lush romantic costume drama, infused with the requisite doses of grime and inclement English weather. Wasikowska, like most of her predecessors in the role, could certainly be accused of not being “plain” enough for the part. I prefer to think that the characters in Bronte’s novel who describe her thus betray a narrow or vulgar taste for beauty and charm. Granted, she’s not a flashy dresser. Fassbender, a skilled and charismatic actor, is not an obvious choice for Rochester. Good thing for us, somebody forgot to tell him that.

In style and substance, Jane Eyre reminds me more than a little of my favorite recent period romance, Jane Campion‘s exquisite Bright Star. I can’t say that it quite matches it. If it had been truly bold, particularly in translating the novel’s final scene to the screen, it might have achieved a similar heartbreaking poignancy. But I felt that scene, among other details, were a little toothless in contrast with Bronte’s sharp prose. For the time being, this is a lovely, well staged and well acted drama. It should tide us over until we meet the next Jane Eyre, who is probably already a teenager by now. – [DVD] [Blu-Ray]

Drama/Romance

Rated PG-13

DVD Release Date: 8/16/11